Thursday, September 29, 2005

Letter I’ve written … Never meaning to send!

I’m not sure why I’m writing this to you now? I’m not in that perfect condition to talk about something or write something; yes I can’t get it out of my mind.

I won’t mention about my question to you, yet I want to, it was a way of venting out everything to back in track, I don’t know what I was expecting at that time, a quick confident answer? ,,, maybe a one word answer, just an answer to push me, to put that power inside me again. To erase any remained pain, and cure all wounds
it’s a soul to soul conversation or that what I was expecting at that time, a soul was asking for help & the other strong, affectionate, brave soul help and hold

I don’t know,
I keep saying it seems less important when its written down... It could take all that time for you to think, but it shakes many things I need to prove, it doesn’t need that you put things up to each other to come with the very perfect sentence to say, I say if we said what we feel at the moment we felt it, we may never be able to say it that pretty way again.

Things are struggling inside me, I want to ask, blame, wonder, but u frightened me again, of …. You.
I can’t go on in that letter I feel it’s such a difficult thing to me to do, but i just did!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Life for rent

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't lean to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent...

***** I think we do rent our life for people that they turn out to not deserve it, we have to strat buying before it's too late .... that what i think about everytime i hear that song, a real strong action to format my life & clean my list from those whom r taking much usless space and effort there *****

Monday, September 26, 2005

I'm gonna be Me, no Matter who i'm around

i’m depressed .. frustrated, my mode is just flip flopping along the week ,, no the month ,,, maybe along that last year Specially ,,, and the reason??
I think I know the reason behind all this. yet, still denying, still holding it in my hand and hurting myself over and over again, recalling …
So many things happened in that last year that made me so much hurt, but in the same time it changed many things inside me, concepts!!
Ppl are really strange .. nothing is perfect I know ,, but to meet many ppl of the same kind in just a very short time is something really bad.

I still cant find a cure for my condition, maybe it’s in my hand but I don’t know how to use it!

Many things I do hate about ppl ,,,, those whom just change their words ,, their situations & their principles for nothing
I feel how much those ppl are weak and don't deserve even the life they have ….

I do really hate those whom are having two faces, those whom like playing with words & never go straight forward,

Those whom cant take a positive action, living in negativity, how can someone just acts negative towards everything related to his life … it steams my anger when I just think about it.

Many things .. I’m just writing down everything that comes across my mind at that moment, way that could help me to discharge that sadness inside me ,,, screaming loudly asking this to stop … maybe dieing for a certain period ,, and getting back to life to find that everything around has changed, but I dunno at that moment which course I’ll take ??
Maybe I’ll choose to never back alive !

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Past Lives Offer a Glimpse into History

I’m not going to talk about a historical place or historical event
The idea just came into my mind while surfing the others blogs, and seeing their posts & its comments .
I said what if Internet & Blogging was in the Days of Om Kolthooom … Abd el wahhab ... Fareed ... 3abd el 7alem ?

How will they name their blogs & what will they say ?? will it be all about songs, poets & composers,, what if everything truly happened in their days was at that time recorded in their blogs were we going to consider it a real historical reference?

I Guess Om Kolthoom will call hers …
2a2ollak 2eeh ??

3bd el haleem
balaash 3itaab … bitlomony leeh ??

3abd el wahhab
2nsa el donia wi rayaa7 balak !!

what about politics ,,, Philosophy ….. Science …..
I think I’ll leave their expectations to my visitors

but I can say as far in politics …
Hitler ... Napoleon ... Ghandi ... Mao tse tung ... Margaret tatcher... Charles de gaule ... Che Guevara ... Fidel castro ... Stalline ... Lenine

Enjoy :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Where now, Where next?

How it coud be that you hate Something & you are soooo Much frustrated ... Annoyed and cant bear it, But in the Same time want it & like it ??

Monday, September 19, 2005

Is it Very Often To Find a Manager Like This? !!!

I Like her soo much My Manager ,,, she makes me feel that i'm with my mum not with my manager, of how much she cares about me & get worry on me ... we do sit long times chitchatting about everything not about work only, even about her personal life.
she is kinaa "Medala3any :)", many situations she has done that proved that this is her own nature she isnot doing that as making it up or so.
sometimes her much careness was embarrassing me too
one time i got late at work & she asked me did u eat ?? & the answer was no i didnt
she : go and eat
Me : not Now :) ,, then i found her saying tb sawany ray7a mishwar wi rag3aa ,,, at that time i felt how much i'm embarrassed when i found her getting me my ever two favourite ice cream flavor Vanilla & Caramel in a very big glass & telling me eat ,, u r getting tired lol
at that momnet i wishied if i told her yes i did eat or even i told her i 'll go to get anything to eat.

the point is with a woman like this, if i need to leave my work i will think twice ,, just to not lose her nice company one day ... it's soo difficult

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Where are my Photos Gone .. Anyone Can Help ?

Today i was just viewing my blog then suddenly i saw crosses on all pics i made refresh, reloded the URL again No way ,,, they were there all these Months while not blogging ,, now what happened? :(
they may back soon by them self :)
anyone can advice me of anything to do .. i host my pics on a site a friend told me about it
so if there is other better ways for hostting pics on any other place by any way for my blog ??

another probelm is happening to me these Days on My little cuddle babe PC ,, that any site i close it gives me the sending error msg ?? what shall i do coz it's soo much annoying
sometimes i close a site & consequently all opnened sites r closed too :(

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Getting that Point!

On the occasion of my getting back to blogging I removed some old posts, I found it silly, some of them I found that I wrote it in a period of my depression a bad depression actually I have lived in, and that Allah merci is to send you the unexpected persons in the suitable timing to help you without even knowing what was up with you
I was saying to myself “My Frustration if u didn’t Jump, I’ll Stand Up & throw U from My Little Window & Look up the Sky to watch The Moon & Stars

I’m not sure actually if it did jump or not, but at least I can say I’m much better now, than that time.

The interesting that I even didn’t tell my friends about my blog, so ppl could come by to read. I think what make it interesting ( I mean blogging ) is to find fans for your blog encouraging you to keep going, maybe coz the idea that I may reveal the person inside me on my blog, & I’m that kind of persons that like to live in a mystery so none touch or get near ?
I may rethink about that

The Self

If writing can service our dreams then it’s doing something beautiful
How do I know what I think until I see what I ‘ve said?
At first, you have to let the self through. The self begs to be let in and to be included. I want to rise up beyond myself, up to the place from which I can command this house of fiction, exert my mastery to put it in order set it all in motion. But the self, sensing that I am about to be both drawn on and shelved, immediately becomes demanding.

shelving the self - Sue Roe

Friday, September 16, 2005

Back to Blogging

i'm back.. started to get out of my shell again, i think i lost my source of inspiration in my way, but i decided to get back to writting, blogging and enjoying the reading too.
i descovered that it was inside, waiting me to get it out ..
althought i feel that i'm stammerring & falterring.. trying hard to gather my thoughts & get words into order, but that because of that pile of dust that i have to remove it before having a clear vision again

but anyway i'm glade that i'm back ..