Things to Come

When I went to bed last night, I had a piece of paper in my hand aiming to write some thoughts in my head, flashed, as only those unformed midnight thoughts.
It was all made up of unexpected burning words; don’t know why I thought about doing this? I don’t feel want to write, I used to type it on my PC, as if my pen has corroded.

I knew even in my half-sleep it was nonsense, meaningless, but that forcing and hammering would clear its shape.
But then when I started writing, not a word of it remains, not even a hint of its direction
Beginning to feel sleepier, I surrendered & turned off the lights, that was shortly after midnight.
I usually have dreamless sleep I wished if I would dream of anything that night.
just as soon as I closed my eyes; thoughts popped up in my head, I knew if I tried to catch them again it will be in vain.
And when I wake up in the morning I will forget all about it.
I usually have that easy sleep, but something was preventing me that day from sleep.
light was coming through my window; I left it half open to see the moon rays falling on the curtain, it made wonderful shapes with that pale grey & silver stripes.
It is very cold, the forlorn wind scarcely breathes, I loved to close my eyes a moment and think of the land outside. a long walk; short pier … the sound of ocean, the rain drops, smelling the night breath full with grass scent … how relaxing and quiet it was.
Now I’m not remembering anything about those thoughts, just great well to go on in such way till I sleep … I only felt the morning light scorching my face I woke up it was around 6 am, closed my window to sleep for another more 2 hours preparing to wake up to go for work.I couldn’t write anything of that which was in my head that night, but it was all fine with me, although I didn’t dream!

The hallucinatory frenzy of departure

Goodbye Cairo,

The word Goodbye kept resound in my ear, how heavy & touching it was.

being rendered more vulnerable by mortal voices bid, Departure beyond these borders .. Our hearts and souls are always the departing point for all thought, feeling and action.
reaching at the beginning, the embryo, a point that could be called a true present, the beginning of a storm, of a revolution, a point of origin that marks a new departure .... One changes his decor, not his existence

Triforce the creeper!

Call1

Place: Home, My Mobile
Time: 4:30 PM
Number: Private Number
The voice: Common but couldn’t know it
Duration: 12 sec
Conversation:
Hello three times and some noise in the background, then hag up

Call2 "preceded with a long missed call"

Place: Home, My Mobile
Time: 8:46 PM
Number : Call “No Number”
The voice: I suspected someone
Duration: 37 sec
Conversation:
- Hello how are you doing?
Me - I’m fine, who is talking?
- Hesitant voice, I’m “A” … the same name of that one I suspected his voice
Me - “A” who?
- I’m “A” ? “confused”
Me - who?
- I used to call u from KSA ? conversation with my mind:“ I never had friends who call me from there ”
- aren’t you that girl living in P.S ? ? conversation with my mind: “I’m not living there, why he is hesitant to mention the name of the girl and gives strange symbols not going that direct, I feel something wrong!”
Me - Sorry you called a wrong number
End of the Call!!

Recalling!

I Went to My Faculty ....
Passed by that place ....
I remembered ....
it’s all coming back to me now !

A Conversation With the manager

Once I was talking about my intention to quit my Job, and I was going to talk with my manager about it.
I was thinking in which way I could tell it to her, so I’m just leaving, no further reason!, we are having that kind of relation which i can call it intimate, and that was the hardest part about it, “I forgot to say that the Manager is having a share in that company around 0.25 % ”every time I was arranging to talk about it, a certain situation happens and I delay it for the next day
The last funny situation, while I was already going to tell her about that subject, her mobile range, then it was her husband.
During the conversation she told him yea I’m with her, then she told me that he is sending me his greeting, “ bysabba7 3laya ” then she asked me while he is with her on phone, T is asking how is your master, did you start your researches about the point? !!!
I smiled and told her, kinda.
anyway i said as long as I decided then I have to tell her so I told her that I’m afraid that maybe after a period of time I become fully occupied with my master, and in a certain way that it becomes an omission to my work and that is something I don’t like it to happen, beside I would like to give you the opportunity to have other varieties, to work instead of me as in a certain way I wont be dedicated to my work as before!
Then she replied
You mean you want to leave the work completely
I said
Yes, starting from the next month.
She told me
No, I cant accept that, u can find any other way than completely leaving your work, I cant dispense with you
I just kept silent!
Then she said how many days would you like to work, we usually work 6 days a week which is pretty much, only Friday as a day off!
Then she digressed would it be enough to work for 4 days only & take 2 days with Friday off!
Or you prefer to take 3 days??
I just couldn’t believe it, that situation??, what shall I say, no I still want to leave it?
I found it will be somehow fine to have 3 days off & four days work? Doesn’t it?
Yea a whole week off is something I was sure it will bother me later.
So I told her ok, fine with two days
She asked, when would you like to start, now if you like?
I told her let it be starting from December it will be fine!
And so it is?Just going to try it for one month? Who knows?!!

The Unlimited

Write anything about anything,
aimless words,
the biggest pointless post ever,
go on.
Try it, you may like it!
I just want to say I’m still alive, but a little distracted
disregarding the above point.

P.S
this doesn’t have to do with sadness or depression

Raving ...

Thoughts have been changed, rules reflected, they are not the same anymore.
Struggling, fighting, a feeling of safety sometimes, a feeling of despair!!
But what I’m sure know, that I’m very tired
Trying to gather my limbs, hopefully I can return back as a human again.
Crushed & burned trying to figure the right way,
People may show me the way, but I have to walk it alone!
Is it the fear inside who is talking ??
Knock and enter … we have to talk,
I’m so tired, I need you to rest me
I can see your shadow
Is it true, or another deception of the eye?!
May I call you a negative shadow?,
you were there, seeing you in the dark, darker than the dark,
in the morning staring as silver then it’s your mirage

Come and talk with me!
You are hovering about me, scattering my thoughts … do you really exist?,
or misgivings have conquered me!.
If you are existing, I want to see you, touch you, to believe your existence
There you are, here now ? I can see you … can you see me?
And how to see me and you never knew about my existence ….
Then I’m here, breathing … breathing that air ….
Are you a human as we are? Breathing that same air, suffering pain … ?
If you were the illusion of my mind’s creation, then why are you here now?
Go … leave, for me you have never existed in that realm ..I won’t try to recall or think again, … who are you?!

Not Safe!

I don’t like politics or talking about political issues, but these days the most common story on the most of the websites and blogs is; that guy who blogs under a pseudonym or it’s his real name “Abdel Kareem”, he is a 21 year-old Egyptian student of law at the Azhar University, he has been arrested by the Egyptian State Security from his home on October 26, 2005, they say he probably was most detained for his thoughts that are mainly anti-Islam!!
I wont go in much details coz this is not the main point here, details are all over the web, but when I came across that news two questions came in my mind
1- why an Azhar student go to write in such a bad way against Islam?
2- it’s not safe to express your ideas even over web ?

I’m confused, I feel angry ‘cause his ideas distort and pervert the image of Islam, but even if we are against his thoughts, there are many who do the same over the net, are they all arrested by their countries ‘cause of their thoughts that they publish over the web!
Where is the freedom of speech and civil rights ?

They are asking to support him by putting the “Free Abdel Kareem” banner on your blogs and websites.