Saturday, October 22, 2005

The Blogger Inside me!

This is my Result .... Discover yours ....

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate
You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great.
One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog...
And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes.
Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Open doors & a Novella (part II)

Till then I didn’t know anything about that subject till just the last month he showed in the view again! When she started to tell me about her story I was very much affected of it that made me write some of my old posts pretending that I’m her!
Suddenly one day, She found him leaving her a msg on her MSN telling her how is she?, how is life with her?!! …. Everyday insisting that he wants to talk with her,
till she decided to reply him, but as a blane person with no feelings, she wont show him any feelings of hate or welcome just blane answers!

He told her “I’m shocked of your answers I wasn’t expecting you to do that”
( again that brilliant person put the wonders, I don’t have a word that can describe him,
he is back as if those five months that passed on her while she was in her pain didn’t exist!!)

he told her I’m a bird asking for his home I want to come at your door, meet your parents and propose, I’m giving you a time to think but on one condition if I’m still having that same value i had in your heart in the past at then I’m supposed to be back ..
But then he asked her “it’s very important to not tell your family now or give them any clue till I tell you that” coz I want to be ready when I know your decision to be ready for their meeting
( I feel bad feelings I’m not comfortable on my own he is back to play games again! )

Then some days later he asked her, what did she do, did she think about that little subject …
She was confused yet, and asked him a question which is going to be the root of everything to her!

She asked him “ I want you to convince me why I’m supposed to think about that subject as a whole again? What is that new that you can offer to me ? ”

Then he told her “ I think I’m not supposed to reply your question now? When I’m ready to give you the answer I ‘ll ! is that ok with you? ”
She didn’t answer & since then … a month passed, but he doesn’t give her the answer of her question, she told me she feels that she is bleeding of what he did, of his attitude, she cant get his second situation now? She doesn’t know how he thinks or why he did that to her?

I told her the best thing to do is to get him out of her life completely and never allow him to interrupt it again; such types of people can never build a stable life, even if he went through everything as it should to be done.

Are there people like that, leaving situations suspended that way so the other side gets hurt?
Why did he back as he is still doesn’t have an answer for her question? What was he expecting her to do again for him… he is such a selfish.
Will he stay silent that way, I don’t have a clue.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Open doors & a Novella (part I)

It’s a story of my friend, she is a dear friend to me, she used to tell me the most about her, I was her mirror, advice her & direct her, we didnt talk for a while, she was busy as i was too.
but now I dunno what to tell her, coz I don’t want to break her heart

It all began the last year, she doesn’t remember exactly when, but it’s sure in days like these. The late of November

She was surfing the net, adding her new friends whom she knew through her study in that educational center to her own MSN list, when she added that mail account by mistake
It was just a typo, but it changed many things later

First of all, she found a strange name in her list, telling her Hi .. how r u ?
she replied, and she noticed that she added that account by mistake so she apologized, she didn’t like to go on in that, because she doesn’t like such type of friendships over the net.
But she found him cute, told her it’s ok & if you don’t mind, may we talk?
So she agreed
Day after day they became addicted to talk everyday .. she is living in Egypt & he is working outside in Bahrain
later he told her he is going to move to KSA to work for other big firm
But in his way he will pass by Egypt,

some days later ….
He told her that he feels comfortable by talking with her, he likes her & want to see her, on advance so if they agreed they may engage & he gave her the time to think and promised her that whatever happened he will never hurt her!

She was confused, she was afraid … but then she accepted
She told her mum & she met him that day, it was in the valentine day…. Afterwards she felt he changed, she noticed that … then she found him telling her on a SMS “the most important thing is that u r fine regardless of any other thing and I want you to know that I really care about you whether we will go ahead or stop and I still don’t want to hurt you I’m still confused and still feel there is a big gab that prevent us to understand each others and it’s obvious that it will be hurting if we get more close then stopped I rather to stop it now that hurt you later, I wouldn’t do that if I don’t care! ”

She told me at that time she was shocked, nothing happened for that. where is his words. “I like me when I’m with you” … you r my angel and all that bla bla bla !!!

The night before that day she had a tension conversation with him, he told her I wanna talk with you in an important matter, then he called her & he was stressed & couldn’t talk, they hanged the phone & then … she was very depressed. Then she got that SMS with no excuse
She kept silent. She didn’t do any action towards that although that SMS made her feel worry, she is now afraid of him, that way in one word he can just stop everything … she said it all to her mum ,,, then the rest of her family knew it, her father & brother
So some days later she found him calling her, what is up with you? why you didn’t answer me? I’m killed of being worry about you “” what a psycho? “

She informed him that her family now knows about his subject, she felt that he didn’t like her to tell her family about their subject at the moment?
He told her, why you didn’t inform me before telling them?
She said I just did !!

Then called her later to ask her if he is welcomed to come for their home for a visit ??

She agreed and she was happy for that!She told me that he stayed for 5 hours and a half … what a long visit!

Then after that …. Just talks, MSN, phone … but nothing new !!

Two months later after his visit she became stressed,, what the hell he is doing?
why he talks to her?, what does he wants from her?, why he doesn’t take any steps?,,,, is he that negative personality or he is just afraid?,,, she told me that he told her in one of their conversations,,, “ I don’t want to risk it I want to be 100% sure of taking the step and you don’t help me you are not encouraging me!, i want you to pull me!! ”
she “ and how to help you ? ”
he “ I cant figure till now how my life would be with you later, you don’t show me anything!! ”

(What a brilliant man, is that his point of view of not hurting and selecting his words, what do you expect? To ask you to marry her or what?)

Then she was totally down confused & stressed and she didn’t accept it to her dignity, so she asked him politely in a small letter that “you could take your time to think about it and put your decision to not feel that you are risking any thing, I would do that too and think wisely, but till then we shouldn’t talk to not affect each others decisions!”

So later she found him sending her a letter telling her that he was wishing for a good end ,,, but it’s not applied now & thanks for everything!!

( so? This is the end of it, the end of that little dream that he made her to live in, where are the sweet words, is he such a normal person, just so coward to have a decision in his life & he is playing around and around!)
she was very embarrassed to tell her family how things were over with him!!
What is the reason?? The reason was that she asked him to think!

So she cleaned her list & he told her that he removed her too

That was ended on the first of may ….
To be cont.,

Friday, October 14, 2005

Serenity's Amenities ..


Acquainted with the Night .. Embraced by The Light
"who does not understand My silence will probably not understand My words "

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Klukked.. 5 random about me!

I have been tagged by Me, Loulou & Wonderer

1- I’m that type of ppl who find it a way difficult to describe themselves, maybe that’s the first random thing I can say about me, once I had that comment from some friends, Tota you are ambiguous & recondite we noticed we know u since couple of years yet we just know few details about you!, I’ve been surprised on return I didn’t mean to do that, but maybe it’s just me, my nature, I’m brief in everything even my talks!

2- I like perfumes that much, I buy lots of them my favorites are “Burberry, Gucci Rush, Pure Poison and Givenchy’s” , I enjoy surfing in that Site, it’s highly fragranced ;) I like movies like “Ice Age”, “Finding Nemo”, “The others”! .. I adore that cartoon character that they used to call it Pooh bear :)

3- I like reading but with certain manner and way to do those readings, just quiet mode an inaudible light music in the background and I go on reading .. once I was reading that book I don’t remember the title but I remember the Cd it was “Body and Soul relaxation” and I ended up to turn off lights even that clock on my wall I just felt its tick is so much noisy for that mode so I took off its butteries & the book … I forgot about it :)

4- I’m somehow stubborn and don’t like routine or repeated things, say it once and go for it … Monotonous stuff just kills me

One last thing to go …
5- I don’t like making Lists :)

I Tag .. Bluelue, Al sharief & Wonderer Too ;)

Now :) I would like to tag u all to tell me 5 impressions u have taken about me through reading that blog!, Difficult? ... let it be one impression!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

A Turning Point … A decision of quitting

Today I started to think seriously about that issue, it was passing across my mind from time to time, but today I wanted to put it in points, and have a final decision about it.

Today I have settled my mind about the matter of quitting my work, I don’t have any other available opportunities for now, others say I have to be sure that I’m having other job in hand before quitting my current one, but I don’t see that this is a must.
The problem is that everything about my work is excellent, my managers, the atmosphere, the feeling that everyone around u loves you & values you that much
But I don’t like the nature of my work, I don’t like what I’m doing, I feel stressed sometimes, without having that much of work, just because that everything I’m supposed to do I don’t like doing it!. I’m not giving enough for my work in the way I want it to be.
No progressing, I feel I’m stepping back every time. I’ve many things in my mind but I can’t achieve anyone of them, I’m disturbed, Scattered!

I have to put my THINGS TO DO list before it’s too late, putting priorities for things I like & see it’s more suiting me.
I’m going to have a master, I need to certify in other fields, I need to have a scholarship abroad, I want to work for a big company …… ext
I cant do that while I’m wasting my time that way in such useless work.

I know it will be a shock if I asked to quit I know they will ask for reasons over & over & it wont be easy for me or them, specially my Lovely Manager; sure I will miss her that much, I don’t know how can I stay at home without work, it’s like air and water for me, but I knowbut I know if I didn’t make that difficult decision now, I will stay as I am: going nowhere & achieving none of my goals.

"So I have to start now... and I hope that I'm right!”

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Looking ahead

Cutie Innocent Look

"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there"
Anonymous quotes

Friday, October 07, 2005

Beautiful Verses I Originally Stop By

That’s how I was thinking to make use of my blogging during Ramadan .. Discarding those last two posts, that they somehow diverted me outside that mood a little!
we always read Qur’an, pray, fast as well … but in Ramadan it has other taste … everything has a different taste, even your soul feels a mystic spirit …
the raise of prayer voice … waiting for sunset prayer “salat el ma3’rib”
the family gatherings.. we usually hardly gathered on the same meal coz every member in the family is having a different timing table.

That morning I was reading Qur’an and that verse just stopped me, all Qur’an is having beautiful verses, we read it all the time, but in a certain moment some verses affect us highly than usual, because of the moment we read that verse in, being synchronized with a certain event happened with you, then you feel that this verse is just having the solution, you came across it to find peace and tranquility.
مَثَلُ مَا يُنفِقُونَ فِي هِذِهِ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا كَمَثَلِ رِيحٍ فِيهَا صِرٌّ أَصَابَتْ حَرْثَ قَوْمٍ ظَلَمُواْ أَنفُسَهُمْ فَأَهْلَكَتْهُ وَمَا ظَلَمَهُمُ اللّهُ وَلَكِنْ أَنفُسَهُمْ يَظْلِمُونَ “117”
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ لاَ تَتَّخِذُواْ بِطَانَةً مِّن دُونِكُمْ لاَ يَأْلُونَكُمْ خَبَالاً وَدُّواْ مَا عَنِتُّمْ قَدْ بَدَتِ الْبَغْضَاء مِنْ أَفْوَاهِهِمْ وَمَا تُخْفِي صُدُورُهُمْ أَكْبَرُ قَدْ بَيَّنَّا لَكُمُ الآيَاتِ إِن كُنتُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ “118”

The likeness of that which they spend in this life of the world is as the likeness of a biting, icy wind which smiteth the harvest of a people who have wronged themselves, and devastateth it. Allah wronged them not, but they do wrong themselves.
O ye who believe! Take not for intimates others than your own folk, who would spare no pains to ruin you; they love to hamper you. Hatred is revealed by (the utterance of) their mouths, but that which their breasts hide is greater. We have made plain for you the revelations if ye will understand.
Verse Translation are Extracted from: Site

What an attitude?

Yesterday I was surfing, visiting some of blogs that I enjoy reading them, I wasn’t in a good mode coz of that Call, then i remembered that blogger who mentioned something about moving, stop blogging and going to disappear.. I opened the blog to find a new post ... hmmm then that blogger decided to back, that’s really nice .. so I thought about just a little greeting .. “Welcome back and happy Ramadan J ” that’s enough for now .. then I just drifted away from that blog & then returned back to find that my comment is removed!!! That’s really strange. I saw it in there it was in there I already read it … it was really bad, I thought about sending another comment asking for the reason & I did ,,, then I thought it would be better via mail, so I removed my comment form that post but not completely so my name was still appearing in there, then I sent that mail, to return back to find that my comment is completely removed from that post again

How much it hurts really, even if that blogger is just a blogger but it really hurts ? is that such an accepted attitude, can we call it rudeness

I Even didn’t get a reply to my mail?? If I was wrong, but it all happened physically there??
So I decided that that blogger doesn’t even deserve me to leave my comments in that blog, so I removed all my comments from that blog
What do you think, who is wrong? I really can’t get it!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

The Call

Just sitting enjoying the feeling of doing nothing... Thinking about nothing, how nice to feel that you have nothing to be bothered to think about, all that you do is plan how to enjoy the most of your time .. Scheduling my day between reading... lying around ... maybe going out today with friends... beside I need to buy some stuff... hmmmmmmm what about tomorrow? ...........!!!
Then my phone ringed … oh nooooo!!
One phone call from work ruined my day … my vacation... Everything, really I’ve nothing to say!!

Monday, October 03, 2005



Happy Ramadan to all, it's tomorrow ISA
.. Different Mood different posts ..

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Pink Thoughts

I don’t know why I held my KB and started hitting the keys tending to post a new thing on my blog ….
I don’t have a certain thing in my head to talk about, maybe that inaudible slow latin music by “Jesse Cook” and that quiet mode around me & that light light then my random audio player played that song for "Celine Dione .. I Surrender” it just inspired me to start writing something... Anything, maybe it’s just a way to be able to catch my thoughts and get to know it …
Everything around me is just in contradict, a very happy events synchronized with a so much sad ones, I don’t know whether I’m so happy or I’m very much sad.
Old subject are popping on the surface all of the sudden and it took of my mind & effort to control it, and then all of the sudden disappeared as fast as it happened.

I’m confused, I don’t like me keep going in that bad mode, just leave it behind and go on.
I don’t like problems or complaining... in every one of us a certain amount of weakness, selfish and bad tempers … but I didn’t use it to last for long with me

I need a break, long one or short one ,, whatever time it will take, but I hope it will reflect a much better affect on me later on
Just give it a break ,,, relax ,, think about nothing for now & keep life going in its pink shape.
and no, i won't Surrender