My Father died - Al bakaa lellah

On Wednesday 11/4/2007 at 9:20 pm

قُل يتوفَّاكُم مَّلَكُ الموتِ الذي وكِّلَ بِكُم ثٌمَّ الى ربـِّـكم تُرجَعُون

إنا للــه و إنا إلية راجعون

Hope and Prayer

maybe it's my first time here to speak about my family, but I need to push it all, lately I have been curled inside myself every kind of thought I just pushed it away, I have written many posts but I didn’t publish them, I dunno why, maybe coz I feel it’s not worthy.
Today at this moment I ‘m sitting alone in my room, melancholy and sadness everywhere …
I just don’t like to admit it, or leave a chance for myself to involve it into depression, coz I know I wont withstand it, but sometimes I cant help but isolating myself and crying in my room silently.

I pray & pray for god to heal him ... My father is ill, very ill … just 4 months ago we discovered that he is having tumors, hepatic lesions in his liver in both lobes, big ones & small ones, doctor said this tumor should have been since years for it to grow this way, he is diabetic, infected with virus C, Liver cirrhosis ….
they said no way other than chemical treatment, but we are hoping in liver transplant, we communicated with many countries & soon they should reply whether it’s possible for him to make the surgery or no. my hope in Allah to heal him is very big.
couple of hours ago he vomited around 2 liters of blood I was alone with him when I saw it, I was shocked, in our way to the hospital he vomited blood 3 times, now he is in the hospital with mum they may stay for two days at least, i couldnt stay coz It’s not permitted, i can't sleep so I decided to sit here & write, trying to find hope somewhere …