Swarms of Memory

Well, as Ramadan was approaching ( now we are spending the holy days of ramadan, five days already gone) my friend M kept insisting that she wants a Fanooos (Ramadan Lantern), any kind of fanoos I have to give it to her, Picture, real one or whatever indication about it, not sure why it's always the Fanoos exactly, maybe coz Fanoos Ramadan is an ancient unique symbol associated with Ramadan, It has passed from generation to generation.
it gives a wonderful atmosphere to the place, u feel a kind of pleasure when u see it, and immediately you think about Ramadan Days, when u were a kid (whether u were doing that or not) before Ramadan Arrival you become excited about having a Fanoos. Playing with your own fanoos that ur parents or any member of ur family brought to u.
Ramadan that month in which The Holy Spirit "Gibril" started to deliver Allah messages to the Prophet Mohamed (pbuh). at Ramadan's night we all sit and wait for " Al Roaya".
The Stories behind (Ramadan Lanterns) back to Al-Fatimi dynasty, many stories mentioned in that place. one of them back to Alhkim Bi-Amr allah … when he wanted to light streets during Ramadan that he ordered all mosques to hang Lanterns ( Fawanees ) illuminated by candles and since then it became a custom associated with Ramadan.
Another story during Al-Fatimi dynasty too, it's said that women were not allowed to leave their houses except in Ramadan. And due to that they were preceded by a young boy carrying a lantern as an indication that a woman is passing by the street to caution men. Later boys used to carry this Fanoos to play with during Ramadan.
Ramdan in Egypt is totally different than any other where, we Egyptians adopted certain mysterious traditions that gave to Ramadan a real special taste & mode, even if some are objectionable & has no intrinsic link to religion, I really like its spirit and the way it's associated with it, Not only, Ramadan Lantern, but also, AL-Misaharaty " The one who wakes people to eat before the dawn prayer (Al-Sohour) ", the canon which used to be fired and heard throughout Cairo from a citadel over the "Al-Mokattam" to announce end of the daily fast, but now it's no more used, the streets full of coloured lights and decoratios, The Konafa & Katayif man, Abd al Motilib Song "Ramadan Gana", Families and friends gathering …. And much more of these traditions which started to go extinct, every year less rituals and less feelings of Ramadan arrivals. Why?

I still remember when I was a kid, the family gatherings at my grand ma house, waiting for Al Maghrib prayer (Sunset Prayer) which always related with the voice of Al-Shiekh " Mohamed Rif'aat " ( till now when I just hear his voice I smell and recall memories of the old classical days)
Things change, I cant see children playing out in the streets, swinging their fawanees & sinning wahawy ya wahawy, instead I can see obvious beggar children everywhere. even Fanoos Ramadan ,,, is that snazzy, lack the spirit, Chinese plastic fanoos that plays music.
We Egyptian tried to cling with our heritage as much as we can. But with days, ages, generations, everything has to fade out, to give the space to other things to emerge!
Happy Ramadan to all …

Conjecture … The X thing

I don’t know, I'm sure that my impression about that X thing no matter what it is ( a situation, feeling, person, idea …. ) is correct, but why people don’t see what I see?, or they do see but they don’t say!. I notice that X thing since the first day, it steamed my temper in many ways but I tried to not be prejudgment. Later the vision became ways clear. but I'm still silent; maybe waiting for someone, only one to approve my vision, People tend to find meaning where they can, and they believe it. Maybe it's wrong maybe it's right, that's not the point, the point is that people believe it. why you people don’t see what I see?, or it's me who can look more deeply beyond people's minds, so I can feel & touch what they can't reach at. Do I analyze too much into this? Do I?

Pageantry …. This is to you 'A'

There is no such type of people that would annoy me like those pretentious, bombastic, conceited, lofty, cocky persons. They feign things they don’t have. or maybe they do have but exalt it more than it really deserves. or they keep talking about it in so many different ways till you are fed up and satiate their stories about their gaudy eminence. even if that prominence is real, but that kind of windbag makes it lose its luster and grandeur. I believe that type of peoples if they weren't realizing where they are going to put their feet their grandiloquent ways and rhetorical words will be ephemeral soon, and nothing would last except that scornful put-on.
That much brag blinds their eyes to see facts, to notice people around them, coz they don’t watch or care about anyone except themselves, and how much of imposing words they get. how much a vaunting air of superiority against others they have. They could be grandiose at certain point. but their cavalier attitude may destroy them and lead them into circles & circles of that apish, haughty behavior, be cognizant of that!

Vision in Black and White

Sometimes when I keep on looking, farther and farther still … I wonder; how big would big get? How big will big be … imagining the vastness of empty space …
Intrigued by things that seems so near … yet always out of reach. stuck in my tiny corner of universe, while being aware of all the spaciousness beyond, that can be explored!

Mixed and contradicted feelings …
Why we usually say we will get used for that … why we want to get used for something, adapt to a new condition, situation no matter if that new thing is something pleasant or not, following that similar ordinary old steps to solve that new unordinary thing, want our life back to the way it was before we found out that new change. But nothing ever stays the same. our ability to make patterns is at the heart of our civilization and when certain patterns in our life become ingrained we consequently become resistant to change,
It’s the fear of change that makes us build a barrier between ourselves and that new thing. It’s our choice about hiding, or about going right to what fears us.

Sometimes I feel that I want to sense that change everyday the same way I felt it the first time, I don’t want to get used for it or adapt it … every time i feel it, I want it to surprise me, hit me so deep … that I still can feel the richness of feelings and emotions, but it’s me who usually unconsciously adapt so fast to new situations, specially the unpleasant ones, and the first feeling always fades away.

It comes from our constantly and endlessly seeking to establish new networks to process and store knowledge. to make sense of what we experience, continually searching for new data for new experience and give it the time to make sense of them

it’s true that we learn by making connections to enable meaning and learning to flow.
And our brain is so good at making connections that it will often try to full in the gaps even when it’s missing information, establishing the similar connections with each other over time.

Life is about asking questions, not waiting answers, even if we could not find the answer to our questions, that shouldn’t stop us from keeping to ask questions …

A & S

Today ...

Egypt

Egypt is bigger than this
It’s not a regime …
It cant be symbolized or abbreviated in a person, or era…
For some … it is just …
A mere spot
They are standing on …
Trying to draw their gains from
others tremble …
Trying to amend or overthrow it.

Days will go by
Species will be extinct
And Egypt will remain …
Justice can’t sleep forever
If humans couldn’t save it
Allah will …
Egypt is always precious
And we are the splendid Egyptians

Reflection of Intermittent Thoughts

Stetting alone and retreating unsociably inside myself, generating words gathered in lines, use my hand to produce dots on my screen … maybe aiming to send a message in code for someone who is in fact somewhere else, someone I know nothing about and might never meet. While my message is traveling for days maybe weeks through time and space … sometimes it’s understood other times not, I don’t know who may read it … it feels like a one-way process missing all kinds of basic communication… there is a potential of failure in putting across what I want to say and how I feel; so if I was writing for people indeed I’d relinquish writing long time ago, but in fact I do write out to myself matching my style, my mood & my needs, although It’s not a typical diary whereas you can’t find a very detailed personal post here, I don’t know, it’s against my nature, but maybe one day I would set and write something very detailed here, till then you shouldn’t expect it, occasionally next Friday 19th of May it will be a whole year of blogging, a complete year!.
along this one year journey I met many bloggers I prefer the term “Next Door Bloggers”, coz I feel it as houses and doors … and behind each door i would find stories and thoughts, i enter it with one knock on my “Go” button or URL linked to my page, at every door step I feel different impression, a certain thought related to that owner of this place, and a special spot I prefer there, a certain post or conversation!.

I’m not sure whether it was a total waste of my time on meaninglessness … spending hours on such page, I’m not sure if it really worth my time … let me say it’s mercurial and let it go at that!.

Outlandish

I'm bored of you all ... I'm in state of total blockage

I used not to expect much from people, I always put myself in such status and ask people to do the same, often we go through an entire relationship without realizing that each of us is paying attention to different things, based on different information.
We know ourselves better than anyone else can, we have access to different information about ourselves, others don’t … I know my dreams, hopes, fears and the constraints I’m under, others don’t. but they think that they know everything they need to, telling different stories even when they all have the same information, forgetting that they should be influenced by past experiences, the past gives meaning to the present and it’s only in the context of someone’s past experience that we can understand why what that person is saying or doing makes any kind of sense.
But instead they apply their implicit rules which are developed from their own past experience by which they live their lives; it tells them how they should act & how things are supposed to be.

Knowing all this in my mind, didn’t protect me from the trauma so that I preferred to put myself in a state of disconnection, supposing that this will give me limited visions, fixed, mute and still, but instead I I felt a little off-balance when things became somehow simpler and clearer and I got more self-conscious.
I have to deal with it like hits of some delicious drug & pungent observation of human frailty, allusions play hide and seek capturing the most fleeting memory; then there should be a sense of consolation at its conclusion.