Saturday, February 25, 2006

Being Myself

The vision of who I’m doesn’t fit with the vision of who I want to be, I’m no longer being myself
Is it the time to find the new me?

I shall be myself again,

I shall be myself again …

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Borderline ...

You just suddenly call me out of nowhere like that suddenly and not even bothering to care about me in the process!
i understand that we have family ties but, not coz u r a relative of mine that means I already know you very well & we are supposed to talk now, we hardly talk, actually we’ve never talked, you didn’t bother to keep in touch when I tried that many times. why u consider now that you are having a cousin, u can just let it and omit me from your file, coz that what u’ve done long time ago!
It’s not against you … but this is the way i'm feeling it now!

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Valentine’s memory

She went there again …
it’s the same day, same time, same place. but with different circumstances, she was dressing in black and he wasn’t there!recalling all this without him, a reversible process reminded her of the movie ' Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind ' everything is the same, but the second person is omitted, not there ... erased, disappeared from the scene!
then she thought …maybe a kind of miracle would happen and he will show up in the perfect moment... she started to believe that between a second or another she may see him coming towards her, taking her hands & telling her that he was wrong when he decided to leave her. he discovered that his life never values without her coz she completes him!
and that he learned to
”Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” ~ Barbara Johnson ~”True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~ Jason Jordan ~ he couldn’t withstand that feeling of being hopeless, that the love of his life may go with the wrong man, so he wants her back, stammering that he still loves her!
but then, even nature itself played against her & refused to help her contemplate the moment any further … It rained heavily in a way as if it insists to wash away every single memory of him.… she remembers when she first met him in the winter of 2005. lt was a marvelously sunny day, very different weather than today, as if the sun only shined for them to lighten their day and overwhelm them by its warmth. “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. ” ~ David Viscott ~
The bad weather obliged her to hurry back home, in her way back she discovered that she lost her most precious ring!, is it a sign of something, that what we lost we can never get it back?!
“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.” ~ Unknown ~

She doesn’t hate him even though he caused her so much pain. She believes that this is exactly what happened with her.
”Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you.” ~ Vipin Sharma ~
She wanted to end it in the same place where it all started, to end this painful story. Wishing for a divine accident, a different scene, a different end!

Cast ur eyes on the ocean… Cast ur soul to the sea…When the dark night seems endless… please remember me ... (Loreena McKennitt, Dante's Prayer)

Does he worth all that?, Nothing makes any sense to me!
“I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.”
~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson ~

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Below the Tip of the Iceberg!

Do you know how it feels when you start your day with this feeling that you are in your bed under your heavy covers, feeling all warm and cozy, and when you start to open your eyes to begin a new day, suddenly you sense a migraine in the left side of your head?! This is not a good sign, and it means that you will continue the rest of your day with this pain in your head.

Four days ago, I had another type of pain in my head. I lost my sense of direction for a moment and without any prior warning while sitting in my chair or couch, or while lying in my bed. I feel like I’m losing control... a feeling of being unbalanced. I can't determine my direction, whether it’s left or right or where I am sitting... is it the living room, or my own room? It happens just for a second, and then everything goes back to normal again. It's a strange feeling and it lasted for two Consecutive days, but everything seemed okay for me on Friday and I’m no longer feeling this way now.

Yesterday however I woke up with a migraine and the worst thing about this headache is that you are supposed to take pills to heal it. I can’t swallow them and this is another problem. Well this has always been my problem with medicines like this: I need to drink a liter of water to be able to swallow them, otherwise they stick in my throat refusing to go down directly to my stomach!!. I think this is one of the reasons that makes me hate to take medicine.

today I feel much better a little pain but not that strong, hope to wake up tomorrow ISA, with nothing new continuing to give me headaches!!

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

A Spirit Slogan ...


It began with a deep perception of the way my life moves forward, noticing those chance events that occur at just the right moment, to suddenly send my life in a new and important direction. Where I started to intuit higher meaning in these mysterious happenings, which I couldn’t understand them, but i knew they were real and with it I started to look for more fulfillments in my life, that won’t put up with anything that seems to bring me down.
I’m sensing again, that there is another side of life that i have yet to discover, some other process operating behind the scenes, a quantum leap, transformation began with unconscious Insight then as a profound sense of restlessness. But afterwards with some glimpses on the alternative kind of experience ... moments in my life felt different somehow, more intense and inspiring.

I thought it’s a new awareness of the spiritual which is expanding, a kind of positive psychological contagion, that crystallized something i perceive in life and suspended my doubts and distractions... to believe that this reality can be my own, my life had been guided by some unexplained force, a feeling of mystery and excitement and, as a result, i felt more alive.

But I didn’t know what this experience is or how to make it last, and when it ended I’m left feeling dissatisfied and restless with a life that seems ordinary again.

How, when, where, it happened? And why I returned back to that same first point?, I was feeling all these changes step by step, I was developing day after day, then suddenly all this started to decay, as if I’m inside a ship & moving away from the land I discovered, this land is disappearing slowly as that force moves my ship away, I need a strong sort of gravity to pull me back to my Island before it’s too late.
what was the secret behind that gravity which pulled me towards this feeling, and when it’s gone the feeling gone?!

Was it a person? Charged me with all kinds of the positive feelings, inspired me till the bone & when that person gone the feeling gone, or maybe a place, a situation, or a certain kind of pain?
why I’m returning back to that old person?, why I’m losing all these nice feelings?. I don’t know how I was creating them & I don’t have a clue to create them again, every time I try, I end up with empty faded visions!

Inspired by “The Celestine Prophecy”
I consider this post one of the most important posts I wrote along my blogging period, coz it is crystallizing turning points and meanings I passed through them in the last year till this moment!
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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Raise Your Voice

The Idea; is for every passer by who come here by chance, you may drop me a line in here, you who would make it work out!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Something Stupid

I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me
Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
I can see it in your eyes
That you despise the same old lines
You heard the night before
And though it's just a line to you
For me it's true
And never seemed so right before
I practice every day to find some clever lines to say
To make the meaning come true

But then I think I'll wait until the evening
gets late
And I'm alone with you
The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love youI love you...

There is a moment about this song that makes it worth while, but it only once!
when you suddenly realize that someone 've really screwed something up and there's absolutely nothing that person can do about it. No amount of regret or sorry will change the fact that it was entirely a fault.